One Month Old

It's hard to believe Owen is already one month old! Already, it's difficult to remember what life was like before he entered our world (although we do remember is was much less noisy!). Brennan has proven to be a wonderful big brother. He loves to help carry Owen, give him kisses, give him his pacifier, and just plain be around his baby brother.

Sorry it's not a better photo...it's hard to get a picture of him where he's not screaming! Here's hoping the Zantac fully kicks in soon...

Gotta love those tiny feet!

Diagnosis

Since Owen's homecoming, we've had a few good days with him, but most of his days have been unending bouts of fussing, crying, and sometimes screaming. Naps have been hit and miss for him, and spit-up has definitely increased. We went in to the doctor this morning for his one-month check-up (a few days early) and the diagnosis confirmed what we already suspected--acid reflux. We left with a prescription for Zantac and a hope that this will help his little tummy to start feeling better, giving all of us some much needed relief!

Anniversary

Happy seven years!

Bathtime!

Owen got his very first big boy bath tonight. He treated the whole thing very calmly and barely made a peep--quite the contrast to Brennan's screaming the entire time during his first bath!

Daddy and His Boy

Meeting Friends

We had an impromptu visit from our friends, the Bredbenners, on Sunday afternoon. It's always good to see them, but this visit allowed us to introduce them to Owen and them to introduce us to their new baby, Julia, who is only a month older than Owen. Fun times!

Cookie Thief!

I turned my back for a minute to rinse out the mixing bowl, turned around, and discovered my little cookie thief with chocolate all over his hands and his face! Apparently, Brennan is tall enough to reach them on the cooling racks on the counter. So, it was off to the table to finish his snack.

Legal!

Owen is legal! We received his birth certificate and social security card in the mail this week. The best part...Virginia is his official birth place!

Pool Time!

My parents helped us acquire the sandbox shown a couple of posts back, but they also got us a little pool for the backyard to enjoy on hot days like today. We christened it this afternoon when the temps hit the high 80s. We filled it up late morning and let the sun warm the water in preparation for a 3 o'clock splash. And splash we did... Check out the pics and the video.

Visit from Grandma and Grandpa Downer

We enjoyed a nice visit from my parents last weekend. They came up to meet Owen, spend time with Brennan (and us) and attend my cousin's (their niece's) graduation from the University of Richmond. Here are a couple of pictures of them getting quality time with the grandkids.

Sand Play

Now that we have a yard to play in, we've been excited to start getting more outdoor toys for Brennan to play with. The newest addition is a sandbox, courtesy of Grandma and Grandpa Downer. It definitely makes outdoor time more fun!

Chalk Fun

I am entering my second week home with the boys while John is at work. It certainly hasn't been without it's challenges--and sleep deprivation makes everything seem much worse than it really is--but I really do love getting to be home with them. Owen has been a relatively easy baby thus far. He's settled into a routine pretty well and pretty quickly. Brennan does well with entertaining himself while I'm nursing Owen. He has unfortunately figured out that it's very difficult for me to discipline him while I'm thus occupied, so that's when he tends to have some "moments" where toys get thrown with a little more frequency than normal.

Now that I'm feeling better after giving birth, I'm ready to venture out and really enjoy my time with both of them. I successfully took both boys to Toys R Us yesterday to buy some sand for Brennan's new sandbox. Owen slept and Brennan did fantastic walking beside the cart with me. Today, we get to head to a doctor's appointment for another Owen weigh-in.

It is an adjustment for me to be home with them all day, since I'm used to only being with only Brennan in the afternoons. I'm definitely glad the weather is so nice so we can be outdoors! It certainly helps with entertaining Brennan for a while. Today's project was playing with sidewalk chalk. It didn't take long before the lure of sticks to collect outweighed the fun of decorating our driveway!

Happy Mother's Day!

Sticks

Brennan is fascinated by sticks. He loves to collect them whenever we are outside. A stick with a pine cone attached is an even better find!

Indoctrination

Let it begin! The hat's a little big, but he has all baseball season to cheer on the Twins!

One Week Old

We are slowly adapting to life with two boys. So far, it's not as chaotic as I was picturing it. Owen is a wonderful baby. He sleeps a lot (sometimes making it difficult to even wake him up in order to nurse him!) and does quite well at night. He has his fussy moments, but they are few and far between and usually only occur because he's ready for a nap.

Brennan seems to be adjusting well to being a big brother. He loves to give Owen kisses. He's also fascinated by Owen's hair. He points to it and then to his own hair. Maybe it's because Owen's hair is so different from his own (for the record, when I was born, I had a lot of really dark hair so that's where the dark-haired boy gets it). Brennan hasn't really shown signs of jealousy, just some behavior difficulties--but it's hard to tell if that's just Brennan being two or reacting to a new baby in the house.

For me, it's been an adjustment to remember life with an infant. Brennan seems like a giant compared to Owen! It's certainly different to have to be up at night again because I'm on-call for meals. We know Brennan and his personality, his likes and dislikes. We are just starting to get to know Owen, and it's difficult not to compare the two. It's a shift in thinking to remember that Owen is not a carbon-copy of his brother. He has his own distinct personality, likes, and dislikes. But, so far, it's been fun getting to know this little guy!

Getting ready for a nap

Gentle kisses

Rare

It's a rare moment when our little sleepyhead stays awake for longer than just a few minutes. We had to capture the moment on film!

Going Home

Owen and I were discharged from the hospital on Friday after a two-day stay. Owen's birth was far less eventful than Brennan's was, which we were definitely thankful for! Even though our stay at the hospital was pleasant, I was definitely ready to be home. There's just something about being able to sleep in your own bed and recover in your own home as opposed to a sterile hospital room!

First ride in his car seat!

After a quick tour of his new home and room, Owen quickly succumbed to his favorite activity--sleep.

More Owen pics

Owen in action

Not very exciting, but better than a still shot right?

First pictures of Owen

D2 is here!

We joyfully announce the birth of our son

Owen Nathanael

on April 28, 2010 at 2:10pm

weight: 8 lbs. 4 oz.
length: ??? (he hadn't been measured yet, as of 8pm)

The name Owen means "young warrior". It is our hope and prayer that this new little man will grow up to be a young warrior for the Lord. Nathanael means "God has given," and we are so thrilled that God has given us the blessing of another son. Nathanael was also one of Jesus' disciples (he appears in the Gospel of John and is usually called Bartholomew). He is notable for recognizing Jesus as the Son of God and the King of Israel. It's also a nod to Naomi's brother Nathan (not Nathanael, but close). We hope that these names will portend a long life of faithful service to the Lord and that he will always know what a blessing he is -- to us and others.

New Job

At long last, I have a new job! I start Monday, May 3rd.

I'll be the Advancement Assistant for a political advocacy group called The Family Foundation. They are active in lobbying for pro-family issues throughout Virginia, with particular focus on the General Assembly.

I know a lot of people who are active with the organization in many capacities -- on staff, volunteers, donors and on the board. The current President and I overlapped two years at the University of Richmond in the mid- to late-90s, while a number of others are active members of Third Presbyterian Church, my sending church for my time in missions. The quality of the people involved on many levels was a major draw for me.

I am excited to work alongside my coworkers and to bring my abilities and skills to bear for purposes that I believe in. I am also looking forward to working downtown. I've long harbored a dream to live and work in New York City for a year. That dream pretty much died a long time ago -- even before I married a girl from small-town Minnesota. This is probably the closest I'll get to realizing some part of it. The Family Foundation office is on the 12th floor of one of Richmond's "high-rises", a couple blocks from the Capitol. I'll have a lovely office with a view of the city below (a major improvement over my Mondial semi-cubical).

As for the work, it'll be a lot of admin and logistics ... assisting with donor relations, producing and sending out thank yous and other mailings, setting up appointments and handling a lot of the logistics behind major fund-raising events. I'll be the keeper of the main database too. But in an office of about eight people there's sure to be other areas of need and opportunities to do a wide variety of things.

I'm excited to get started, but sad to be leaving my stay-at-home-Dad life and all the time with Brennan that came with it. I see this as a gift from God though, perfectly timed to coincide with Naomi's maternity leave and the income challenges that would bring with it.

So thanks be to him! He is faithful.

And thanks to all of you who've stood with us in prayer over the last five months. We are grateful!

Impending

It looks like tomorrow is going to be the big day! And, boy, are we ever ready! I'm 4cm dilated, and have only had some sporadic contractions--nothing that appears to indicate labor has actually, fully begun.

We are set to induce in the morning. Despite the desire that labor start on its own and that D2 come in his own time, I'm simply ready to be done being pregnant. While the pregnancy itself has been relatively low-stress, we've had some pretty significant circumstances add heaps of stress over the past nine months. While the end of pregnancy won't really change some of those things (it might actually create more!), I just feel like heaving a sigh of relief that the end is in sight.

At any rate, after a few weeks now of wondering when the big day will be, wondering if every little twinge or pain is a sign of impending labor, wondering if I really do need to pick up whatever I've dropped on the floor, the end is here. D2's birthday will be tomorrow (pending labor magically starting sometime before 7am tomorrow!). We are so ready.

The Waiting Game

Today marks 39 weeks. I'm trying not to get my hopes up. At 39 weeks with Brennan, I was still just over 2 weeks away from delivering him. We're optimistic that D2 will choose to make his grand entrance sooner rather than later, but really, he'll come when he wants to, not necessarily when we want him to.

And thus, the waiting game goes on and on. We're definitely ready for this little guy to come on out and meet us!

• Hospital preregistration is done.
• Hosptial tour is done.
• Baby laundry is done.
• Hospital bag is mostly packed (except for those few things I'll need to throw in last minute)
• I've trained my co-worker to take over my responsibilities for the immediate (maybe long-term???) future.
• D2's room is ready and waiting for him.
• Birth announcement is ready to be posted on the blog
• And, boy, are we ready to finally get to share the big secret--his name!

D2, come out now!

Random Thoughts on Musical Worship

(Do I have any thoughts that aren't random?)

In recent years it has really struck me as odd that in almost any worship service you'll ever go to the musicians will be standing/sitting on a raised platform or stage, facing the worshippers, front and center. This hardly seems to me to be the best arrangement for facilitating focus on God.

This had never occurred to me until a missions conference at Moody Bible Institute in 2005 or 2006. On the last night of the conference, prior to the evening speaker, they had three musicians lead all of us in worship. The lights in the auditorium were turned way down. The musicians were dressed in dark clothing and standing in the space between the front row of seats and the edge of the stage, facing the stage. They had music stands with small lamps craned over them so they could read the music and lyrics.

They never introduced themselves, they just invited us into worship and played. Song lyrics were shown on screens on either side of the stage, but the central focus was a large cross on the wall in the middle.

The fact that they were talented musicians and played excellent songs helped, but I think that the set-up was a major factor in that night being one of the best worship experiences of my life. Without being distracted by a charismatic front-man, observing the technical talent of the guitarist, trying to remember which famous actor the drummer reminded me of or keeping track of which singers had their hands raised and which didn't freed me up to focus wholly on God and to really imagine myself before his throne.

I've never seen a similar set-up since and I can't help but miss it. I suspect there are some worship leaders who struggle with enjoying the spotlight and who sometimes want to be the center of attention, but I think the vast majority of them follow the prescribed set-up because they've never thought of doing it any other way or because their venues won't allow for any other arrangement. And some may not have ever thought about what affect it has on whether the music is actual worship or just a concert.

Now, here are two lists of some of my favorite worship songs/hymns. No idea why I thought about putting it together except that I was thinking about some of these songs today and the worship team at my church has played two of them recently. (Yeah!)

Top Ten Modern Worship Songs (in no particular order):

1. Jesus Paid It All -- Kristian Stanfill
2. The Color Green/Calling Out Your Name -- Rich Mullins (I'm cheating and putting these two together)
3. Rescue Is Coming -- David Crowder Band
4. Oh Lord, Most High -- Atlanta Vineyard (Billy Somerville)
5. I Have Been Redeemed -- UK Vineyard (Wendy O'Connel)
6. Beautiful, Scandalous Night -- Leigh Nash and Bebo Norman
7. Be Unto Your Name -- Robin Mark
8. Oh, Happiness -- David Crowder Band
9. O Praise Him (All This For A King) -- David Crowder Band
10. From The Inside Out -- Hillsong

This list changes periodically (generally whenever a new DC*B album comes out).

Top Five Hymns (some of them with their more recent arrangements):
1. Before The Throne of God Above
2. Be Thou My Vision (Fernando Ortega's version is the best I've ever heard)
3. Come Thou Fount
4. O Love That Will Not Let Me Go (Indelible Grace version)
5. O For A Thousand Tongues To Sing (original arrangement)

The Final Countdown

We are in the final days of this pregnancy. At 38 weeks, I'm definitely ready to meet this little guy! While having him out will present its own set of challenges, it's time to be done being pregnant. At my appointment today, we found out that I'm 3cm dilated. Sporadic contractions have begun with increasing frequency. We did discuss the possibility of induction, but both John and I would prefer that labor start on its own this time. Next week, we'll look at scheduling an induction for sometime after the due date--provided I haven't gone into labor by then on my own. But, for now, we continue to wait.

Notes from Unemployment, aka Temporary Retirement (part 1)

A commercial I saw the other day got me thinking about retirement. It made me realize I'm enjoying a kind of temporary retirement right now. What is retirement other than not working anyway? It's getting to do the things you want to do, rather than what you have to do (to earn money).*

* (I still have to do certain things to earn money -- I have to apply for at least two jobs a week to maintain my unemployment benefits. And, of course, I have to be in job search mode. But the amount of time and energy that is dedicated to that varies from day to day and week to week -- by necessity sometimes, by choice at others.)

I have certain obligations that restrict that freedom, but I've had a lot of time to do the things I want to do. I get to spend lots of time with Brennan. This is an obligation (I can't just leave him at home!), but also a joy. We go to the park a lot and play in the shopping mall play areas. We've gone to Barnes and Noble for story time with Clifford. We go to the library. We've gone to the Children's Museum. We hang out at home. It's great!

I've done lots of yard work. This is also an obligation. I can't very well have my pregnant wife pushing around a lawn mower (not when she's going to be pushing a baby out in the near future). Nor can I allow the yard to turn into a jungle/rainforest/wildlife preserve. But it's also kind of fun and fulfilling. I work hard at it, get exercise, feel all manly (I am John: tamer of nature, whacker of weeds, bagger of leaves, etc.) and, by doing it during the week, I'm freeing up the weekends for family time.

I also spend lots of time reading. Not always books, as Naomi would prefer, but magazines (SI, Reader's Digest and Christianity Today) and articles on the internet (from CNN, the Boston Globe, Sports Illustrated and other sites). (Naomi thinks the term "surfing" applies to all activity done on the internet and that "surfing" does not include any actual "reading". I protest.)

It's been nice to have more time to do the things I enjoy and am passionate about as well. I have gotten involved with my church's missions committee and recently completed writing and compiling an 85 page handbook for participants in short-term missions trips. I adapted some parts from two similar handbooks, wrote up a debriefing section from talks I used to give for the Edge (Pioneers' summer program) and came up with 15 devotions for team members to use on the field. It was truly a labor of love! I've also been researching opportunities for refugee ministry and outreach to international students here in Richmond. I've been learning a lot and finding strategic ways to get myself and my congregation involved. Naomi and I will soon be "adopting" a Turkish family that are here for a year doing a program at VCU. Should be fun!

Lastly, I've had more time to think. The focus of my thinking is vocation. For the first time in a long time what I've done in the past is not really shedding light on what I should do in the future. So I've had to go back to the beginning and ask the fundamental question: what do I want to do when I grow up?

Before I can answer that I need to know what criteria I should be using to make that choice. Make a certain income? Do what I was created for and where my gifts lie? Do something that has eternal value to it? All three? Pick two? Different voices in my life say different things, and it's tough to discern truth from lies. It takes time, energy, concentration, rumination, meditation and prayer.

Actual retirement is bound to be a bit different. Grandkids instead of kids. Not looking for another job. But there'll still be yard work most likely, things to think about and read up on, hobbies to pursue and other enjoyable things to do.

Sure would be nice to find a job that will allow me to retire someday, but won't have me longing for it every day between now and then.

Father & Son(s)

It's been wonderful getting to spend so much time with Brennan over the last five months. Much better than when I was working because I do his bath-time, we run errands in the afternoons, I put him to bed a lot of the time and I pray with him every night. Plus I'm a lot less stressed, so I'm more enjoyable to be around and I have a lot more grace to give him.

I'm worried a bit about what it'll be like for both of us when I finally go back to work. He's a real daddy's boy and we have a very strong bond. I think it's going to be tough on him, especially since there'll be another child in the household by then too. Brennan is in store for a lot of changes. I'll miss the time too and I anticipate feeling a little guilty that I won't get that same kind of time with D2.

D2 will rarely ever have his parents all to himself, as Brennan has had, and he won't have the morning time with me like Brennan did, unless somehow I wind up back in the night shift. I wonder what effect this'll have on him. Will he bond with me less? Will he be jealous of the connection between Brennan and me? Will he be closer to Naomi because of it? (This would be a good thing I think). The worst thought: will he somehow feel less loved?

I'm the youngest of two boys also, but I'm not sure my situation gives us much insight into how to prepare for what's to come. The bottom line for me is this: I love Brennan. I love the bond I have with him. I love the way his first two+ years have gone. I want all of that for D2 also, but I know the circumstances for him will be different. Will different mean worse? Not necessarily. But the concern is there.

I hope and pray for different to be just different -- not better, not worse. I don't know yet how to get there, but I'm inclined to think that it's enough right now just to be aware of the challenge and dedicated to doing whatever it takes to make sure both boys feel wholly loved and secure and happy that they are in each others' lives.

Happy Easter!

We had a really good Easter weekend this year. We went to Maymont Park yesterday to participate in the family Easter events there. They revamped the egg hunt from last year. Instead of mass chaos, they hid eggs all over the park for families to go find. After some fruitless searching, we gave up and just enjoyed the walk around the park. Brennan's favorite part was collecting as many sticks as he could find!


With the beautiful weather for Easter this year, we did an egg hunt for Brennan outside. It took him a few minutes to figure out exactly what he was supposed to be looking for (other than sticks--typical little boy!).

Wild and Crazy Naptime

With Brennan's new bed comes the new ability to get out of that bed and relocate himself when he should (ideally) be napping or sleeping at night. Sometimes it's in the form of night wanderings, sometimes it's getting up when Mama does in the morning before work, sometimes it's a reluctance to nap. He generally does well when we need to gently escort him back to his bed, but today, despite our best efforts, the bed held little appeal. When it came time to wake him up before my doctor appointment today, our little man was curled up--sound asleep--in his chair. Oh, well. At least he was getting some sleep!

Boy in a Bag!

I was surprised at work today with a potluck lunch/baby shower! It was definitely a blessing to get some needed items for the new baby. One gift came in such an enormous bag that we thought Brennan would fit well in it. The message on the bag suits him as well...

Flips and Wiggles

I'm 35 weeks today. Only 5 more to go before D2 will enter this world! For my past couple of appointments, we were discouraged to hear that he was breech. After lots of praying and some home remedies to try to get him to flip, we were rewarded with the news that D2 is now head down! We're definitely excited to hear this news! I'd been hoping to avoid having a C-section for many reasons, and this news gives me hope that I'll be able to deliver naturally again. We did also learn that I'm already 1 cm dilated! That didn't happen with Brennan until the day before he was born--a week past my due date. While we would like him to come a little early, we are definitely hoping for a late April baby.

On another note, I did find out last week that because I'm only part-time, I don't qualify for FMLA. That means that I would have to go back to work once I'm medically cleared to do so. I've requested that I be allowed to take a full 8 weeks off to get through D2's two-month check-up before having a friend start watching both boys. Please be praying with us that this request would be granted, and that I'd be emotionally ready to go back to work and leave my babes behind whenever the time comes to do so.

Night One Recap

The crib was dismantled. The twin bed was fully set up, complete with bedding that Brennan selected. Boy and bed were introduced. Boy loved his bed...until it came time to get in the bed with the lights off. The crying started before we even left the room. He was up and out of his bed within seconds. After going back in, laying down with him, and soothing him a couple of times, we let him stand on the other side of the door and cry, hoping that he would eventually go back to bed on his own. After a few minutes, the crying stopped. Victory? Not a chance. That was the point where we discovered that Brennan figured out how to turn his doorknob and open the door.

Time for some Daddy-intervention. John went in and spent some time with him. After a few more failed attempts at leaving the room, he figured out that Brennan didn't like being confined under the covers. New strategy...put Brennan to sleep on top of the comforter and cover him with the blankets he had in his crib. We left the door open slightly as well, and the exhausted child was asleep in minutes. After he was sound asleep, we were able to close the door. Thankfully, he stayed in his bed all night long--no noise, no wanderings (that we were aware of). When it came time to get up this morning, he simply got out of his bed, came to the door, and yelled to indicate he was ready to get up. Despite the initial difficulty getting him to stay in his bed, we were certainly proud of how well he did the rest of the night!

Graduation

Today is the day. Brennan is graduating from his crib to a big boy bed! Until recently, he's done quite well in his crib. But lately he's started to indicate that he'd like to climb out of it. Yikes! So...twin bed here we come! He picked out his comforter and sheets, and has already really enjoyed being on his bed (although we are discouraging the whole jumping on the bed thing). Hopefully tonight will go smoothly!

Bounce House Fun

After a fun morning at the Children's Museum, we ventured up to Northern Virginia to attend the joint birthday party for our friends, Corban and Eva Bredbenner. The afternoon was full of fun things to do since the party was held at an indoor bounce house!

Train conductor Brennan!

Slam dunk with Uncle Dan

The birthday party crew

The birthday boy and girl

It took a little bit, but he finally got up the courage to go down the big slide (sorry the video is sideways)

Meet and Greet

Brennan's absolute favorite character these days is Clifford the Big Red Dog. He loves the books and the TV show. So it was definitely exciting for us when we found out that the Children's Museum was celebrating National Reading Month by inviting Clifford to stop by for a meet-and-greet and storytime! The picture doesn't do justice to how much this kid loved getting to meet Clifford. He kept wanting to touch Clifford and hold his paws. We were a little hard pressed to get him away and let some other kids have a turn!

Daddy & Brennan in the wagon, take 1

What a fun video Naomi put up in the last post, eh? Well, that was actually the second take. Here's the first one:

(Naomi had a close encounter of the bug kind).

Spring is in the Air!

With the weather so gorgeous outside, we've loved getting to have the windows open and start spending some good chunks of time playing and working outside. Our big project right now is getting our yard cleaned up. We've barely made a dent in all the leaves and pine needles to be raked and bagged! I'll definitely be glad to have the yard cleaned up eventually!

John hard at work

Brennan playing hard with a pirate ship

A wild wagon ride!

Getting Closer

I'm 32 weeks today...only 8 more to go! D2 has definitely gotten WAY more active in my belly lately. Sometimes his acrobatics cause quite a bit of discomfort, but it is fun to feel him moving around in there.

I was thinking the other that it feels like I've been pregnant forever. But John reminded me of just how much has happened in our lives since getting pregnant--moving, John's job loss, and just having a two-year-old around.

We are definitely excited to meet this new little one and see what he looks like and what his personality will be like. How much will he be like Brennan, and how much will be uniquely him? What parts of John and I will be in this little one? Will he live up to the meaning of his name? Yes, we have officially decided on D2's name. But you will have to wait a bit longer for that big announcement!

Jehovah Jireh

"Jehovah Jireh" -- The LORD will provide (Gen. 22:14)

Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. -- Psalm 34:8


Unemployment is many things, but chief among them for me is this: an opportunity for God to show me his goodness.

When the ax fell I was in the middle of a spiritual renaissance, thanks in large part to a men's group I'd joined, a timely visit from my friend Matt K. and an incredibly worshipful concert with the David Crowder Band. I'm not sure if God was preparing me for the job dissolution in all that or if the job loss was just another part of the renaissance.

In any case, when it came it wasn't the end of the world it might have been. It was, and is, adversity. But in this adversity I've seen the face of God. In the aftermath I heard him ask, "do you trust me?" And I could honestly say yes. Why? Because he's good. He was good when he brought Matt for a night's visit. He was good when he led me to my Thursday morning brothers. He was good when he gave David C and band amazing musical gifts and prompted them to use them to glorify him. He was good when he worked it out for me to go with some complete strangers. Would he not be good in the midst of this trial?

Indeed, isn't this exactly the type of situation where his goodness would be most evident, and when we'd rely on it the most. It is so easy to put our trust in other things: a steady paycheck most of all. It is so easy (especially as a guy) to put our identity in our work too. In losing my job, God was calling me to put my trust in him and remember that my identity has nothing to do with my employment.

So I greeted this uncertain era with a prayer: God you're good. Take care of us and meet our needs.

And he has.

When I sat down and looked at the budget I figured we'd be in big trouble by early February. Here we are at the beginning of March and we're not in big trouble. I could, if asked to, give a thorough accounting of where the money has come from. I can identify "human" sources. But that would be robbing God of the honor he is due, because the money has come from him. He has answered our prayers.

Each and every day that prayer is repeated, and each and every day God responds. He does something that says, "yes, I AM good." and he does something that shows us he will meet out needs.

In the process, I am feeling a great deal of liberty. Freedom from the tyranny of "wants"; freedom from the confines of the central American question "what do you do?"; freedom from un-Biblical cultural expectations; freedom from anxiety.

For many years I've focused a lot on the fear of the Lord and the idea of being lost in his larger story -- not hung up on expecting blessing at every turn and treating God like a divine sugar daddy. It's possible to go too far with that though and underemphasize the personal, individual love of God for his children. The Lord is bringing this into balance for me -- not letting me forget that I am only a part of the larger story, but that I'm an important part and he loves me dearly and wants good things for me.

So praise God ... not for unemployment per se, but for the fact that he redeems it and uses it for his glory.