Father & Son(s)

It's been wonderful getting to spend so much time with Brennan over the last five months. Much better than when I was working because I do his bath-time, we run errands in the afternoons, I put him to bed a lot of the time and I pray with him every night. Plus I'm a lot less stressed, so I'm more enjoyable to be around and I have a lot more grace to give him.

I'm worried a bit about what it'll be like for both of us when I finally go back to work. He's a real daddy's boy and we have a very strong bond. I think it's going to be tough on him, especially since there'll be another child in the household by then too. Brennan is in store for a lot of changes. I'll miss the time too and I anticipate feeling a little guilty that I won't get that same kind of time with D2.

D2 will rarely ever have his parents all to himself, as Brennan has had, and he won't have the morning time with me like Brennan did, unless somehow I wind up back in the night shift. I wonder what effect this'll have on him. Will he bond with me less? Will he be jealous of the connection between Brennan and me? Will he be closer to Naomi because of it? (This would be a good thing I think). The worst thought: will he somehow feel less loved?

I'm the youngest of two boys also, but I'm not sure my situation gives us much insight into how to prepare for what's to come. The bottom line for me is this: I love Brennan. I love the bond I have with him. I love the way his first two+ years have gone. I want all of that for D2 also, but I know the circumstances for him will be different. Will different mean worse? Not necessarily. But the concern is there.

I hope and pray for different to be just different -- not better, not worse. I don't know yet how to get there, but I'm inclined to think that it's enough right now just to be aware of the challenge and dedicated to doing whatever it takes to make sure both boys feel wholly loved and secure and happy that they are in each others' lives.