Blogworthy Weekend, Act 3

It's now the next weekend and I haven't finished reporting on the last one, so I best get to it.

The last blog-worthy event from last weekend had nothing to do with the concert, though before moving on from that I should note that I am still on a spiritual high because of it. Though the CD isn't as good as the live show, each track brings me back to last Saturday and how my spirit was lifted and my soul cried out in praise to God.

... Last Sunday at Bible study we got to talking about repentance and living a good life and we explored a bit the ambiguity in such a pursuit. How much do we strive for this, and how much of it is God bringing about holiness in our lives? What is our responsibility and what is only possible because of Him? This is one area where the Scriptures seem to say contradictory things: "In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood" (Hebrews 12:4), yet at the same time "all our righteous acts are like filthy rags" (Isaiah 64:6). We bring all we can to the table, yet nothing at all. "For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out" (Romans 7:18).

I am left without knowing precisely what I am to do. I can't piece together the Scriptures so that I can understand how exactly this transaction (sanctification in me) takes place. And consequently, if I am not living as though I am sanctified, I don't know what's gone wrong in the transaction that I should now aim to fix.

This elusive understanding is quite frustrating for me and has been a stumbling block in my relationship with God, who, I'm figuring out, is all-around quite an elusive fellow.

By comparison I think about the movie "The Illusionist". I liked the movie because it was an interesting re-imagining of an historical event and took place in locales that I know well from my time living in Austria. I did not like it however because it did not resolve tidily. One aspect of the "miraculous" ending was explained to the audience, but still other parts vital to the unfolding of the puzzle were left unrevealed, and these parts are entirely unbelievable apart from total suspension of one's judgment or, preferably, a suitable explanation. So I felt cheated. The ending would have been more satisfying if how it came about could be naturally explained in its entirely, or if none of it had been explained and all of it had to be left to our imaginations.

So it is with me and God. The aspects of His ways that remain mystical and out of reach to empirical study frustrate me greatly and leave me feeling, at times, cheated. How can I follow Him, as He asks, if indeed I am hopeless to truly follow Him apart from what grace He gives me to follow? In this reasoning, is it not His responsibility then to give me the grace to do what He wants me to do? And yet, I cannot deny that I play some part. My Spirit speaks truth to this.

So I am flummoxed. Yet, on Sunday night last weekend it dawned on me that this may be precisely where God wants me to be. Flummoxed. God is elusive because He could not be God if He were not. If He could be empirically attained, by me or others far smarter than me, He would not be what He most certainly is. He must be out of reach.

And yet He does not leave us with this. He has intentionally asked us to reach for Him -- to pursue Him -- so that we are engaged. Not passive beings merely waiting for eternity to take us back. We were created to engage: with Him, with other human beings. So He's created in us a need to reach, a desire to reach and a command to reach.

In the end, it all works much better if we do this (somehow -- though I don't entirely understand how). But at the same time we must know that He is God alone and will always be beyond our grasp.

I have an unexpected peace about this right now. But I suspect I'll come back to this point again and again as long as I live. It seems to be in my nature to try to figure things out, and divine things are not excluded from this nature.

(If any of this makes sense to anyone else, well I'm amazed because it's quarter past one in the morning and I've been reading way too much Dickens lately!)