Conversations

I've had some interesting conversations with Brennan lately. It's been amazing to me that, a year and a half later, he remembers and still talks about his baby sister. We went for months without a mention of her, and then suddenly I've had three conversations with him about her in the last couple of weeks.

Watching coverage of the royal baby, Brennan suddenly asks me where baby Ella is. I have to answer that she lives in heaven with Jesus. That satisfies him.

Walking around our neighborhood this past weekend, a family hosting a birthday party gave Brennan and Owen each a pink balloon. As we headed home, Brennan turned to me and said that we were going to have a baby sister soon and her name was going to be Ella. Again, all I can say is that she lives in heaven with Jesus. This time, he asks why. No words. No answers. Just a tiny life cut short for reasons that we'll never understand this side of heaven.

Yesterday, playing with bubbles, the boys like to pretend that the bubbles go to heaven. Can Ella see them? Maybe. Then Brennan asks me what Ella looks like. Again, no words, no answers. I tell him that I don't know, that we'll find out what she looks like when we get to heaven.

Now, all these conversations have also given me the chance to explain, as best as I can to a five-year-old, how a person gets to heaven--salvation through faith in Jesus Christ. His heart is open, he listens.

Heaven. That place I never really gave much thought to for so long--just chalked it to that "someday" place I'll go when I die. Now it has become the home of our only baby girl. How I ever long for that home these days. We'll get to see Ella for the very first time and finally Brennan will have the answer to his question of what she looks like. He'll probably even get the answer to his question of why she died, if it will even matter once we are all together and reunited.

Life has moved on without her here with us. But the questions still linger. And we always point to heaven, to the One who called her there after such a brief existence with us. Heaven. Can't wait to get there for that wonderful reunion!